New Year’s Eve

My friend Jill is getting married on New Year’s Eve and I am in the wedding.  My goal is to lose 30lbs prior.  I have 8ish months.    Today I drank a boatload of water and counted calories.  Day 1, down.  Tomorrow we are going to the gym. 

I am waiting for the test results from my Big Blood Test.   It was 30+ vials.   I have to go back tomorrow for them to redo 1 test.  Something about a data entry error.

To Have or Have Not – Part II

A few months have passed since my initial post “To Have or Have Not.”   I wish I could say we were significantly closer to a decision about trying to have children, in one direction or the other. 

Between then and now, we learned my brother’s wife is pregnant with her 3rd child and given her age (36) she had to go for additional “advanced age pregnancy” tests.    My friend Anne is also due with her second child, and her doctor told her that since she will give birth within the 6 month window of turning 35, it is also an “advanced age pregnancy” — less tests are required though.   I am 34 now, so, any pregnancy of mine will be considered an “advanced age pregnancy.”     Research demonstrates that while you can have healthy children at age 35+ the risks are higher.   Here is great article on this subject:  http://www.marchofdimes.com/professionals/14332_1155.asp      The common school of thought seems to be that if you know you want to have children,  you should start sooner, rather than later.     It would certainly help if I knew what I wanted? 

Moreover, there is a possibility we could have difficulty conceiving.  Off the top of my head, I can count 7 couples that I know of that had difficulty with infertility and used IVF.    My friend Dina, who is now 42,  had a successful conception via IVF at the age of 37, but has had 5 failed attempts since then, 2 in the past few months.      In contrast,  2 of my friends gave birth to healthy baby girls last week, conceived naturally.    

I wish I knew.  I wish we knew.  What we have established, over discussion the past few months, is that neither of us is against the idea of having children (we used to be, vehemently so), however the flip side of this is, we aren’t particularly gung-ho about it either?    Is that reason enough to try?   I am not so sure.  Are all prospective parents gung-ho?   A friend gently told me, “remember you will carry the baby 9+ months.”   Many prospective parents use that time to grow more comfortable with the idea of becoming parents.   In that aspect, I’d be quite normal, for a change.  So, has there been a transition in our thoughts on this to neutral, yes?  How many more years will it take to transition to a definite want?  Perhaps we will never come around to that?   Do we, realistically, have a few years left to wrestle with this?

We are both worried that later in life, we will regret our decision to not have children.  We are also concerned about the financial aspects to having and raising a child.  Tim is more concerned about this than I am.  I know that if we need it, we will have the support (financial and otherwise) of our 3 sets of parents.   I know my mother and mother-in-law will help me juggle  a baby and my career.   I also know that I work from home 5 out of 7  days a week and I know Tim wouldn’t mind being a stay-at-home dad.    We would lose some aspects of our current lifestyle, the travel, the frequency of NYC dinners out, but I think we could still do those things, just less often.  My husband has also informed he is afraid of dying alone.     

Whether we choose to have children or not, there are a few things that must be taken care of, prior.    All of these items have been in the works, but they take on new urgency if we make the decision to try and have children.   First we need to pay off our debt.  Thankfully, that has been an ongoing 5+ year process and we are reaching the end of a very long road.  Everything, including student loans, will be paid off in September, perhaps prior.  No more car payments, credit card bills, or loan repayments.   Second, we would need a more aggressive savings plan.  That of course will easier to tackle when we have ZERO debt.  Third, we need to streamline our life insurance  policies prior to the fourth action item:  I need to be tested for a genetic blood factor that my family has.  It’s something I need to know, just to take basic life precautions.  However, if we plan to have children, I must know, to take very specific precautions.  My first appointment with the blood doctor is on March 26.

I am feeling stressed about the time-frame of this enormous life decision.   I am envious of the people in my life who instinctively knew what they wanted.       Tim recently mimicked my thoughts with words saying  ”sometimes I’m envious of people who know right away all they want to do is get married and have a family.”   Are we wasting valuable time, deciding? I wish I had a few more years pre-35 to work through it.  This is no simple decision.

New Everyday Dishware

I really like(d) the everyday dishware (bottom left)  Tim and I bought 5+ years ago.  I wanted colorful dishes and we were able to get 2 of each color-wave, so we had green, orange, purple, burgundy, blue, and yellow.   It was Corisca Square and I added to it periodically until we ended up with service for 12.   The dishes held up for a few years, but slowly started to chip – and now , some of them are missing  huge chunks of ceramic.    I wonder if that is just the case with ceramic dishware?  My sister-in-law  has ceramic dishes from Pottery Barn and they are chipped the same way.     I decided to investigate durable dishware (is this a sign of maturity? ) and got various recommendations for Corelle.  It appears Corelle has come a long way from the blue flower dishes I grew eating up on, and in fact still eat on if I’m dining at my parents.      It took me a few weeks to decide — not only am I picky, but my husband isn’t a fan of flowers, and he’s very opinionated about all matters houseware.  Plus the goal is to have these dishes for a long time!  I decided on the dots pattern, bottom right.   I already have so many white mugs and bowls, so I got just the dinner plates and salad dishes.  Plus I don’t particularly like the bowls that come with the set anyway.

Corsica Dishware

Corelle Dots

New Lense!

I got a new digital camera for my birthday. I am estatic about it.  I have  coveted it for a few years. It’s a Nikon D90 and is the same camera my father told me I didn’t need, because I don’t have children of my own to photograph. He then bought it for my brother.  Take note, in my family you are rewarded for procreating with cameras.  Here are some of my test shots.

 

Birthday Tulips

Birthday Roses

Where We Got Married (in 2000)

Were We Got Married (in 2000)

I fell in love with these 2 items at Anthropologie:

 

Kooky Pitcher

Horta Champagne Glass

So far I have resisted purchase, but I did show them to Tim, and they may be birthday gifts to myself.

Back to Basics

After a 10 day cruise with my mother and a festive, food laden birthday week, I can tell I’ve gained weight.   It’s time to get back to basics. I am laying out my plan here, as I am the type of person who needs to see things in writing.

My first assignment is to exercise 30 minutes a day, everyday. I have many options, today I will be walking/running on my treadmill:

1- Treadmill at home (this is a great option now, we put a small flatscreen in front of it!)
2- Walk the Park
3- Gym
4- Turbo Jam

Tim is away for work this week (he’s been traveling a bit lately) so I planned an entire weeks of healthy means for 1. The past few months, I’ve been skipping meals, in fact some days go by where I don’t eat at all. That is ridiculous. I know it is, I don’t know why I’ve fallen into this habit.

Next, I will eat a minimum of 3 meals a day, incorporating a lot of fresh produce:

Breakfasts (always served with a double espresso):
1- Yorgurt, Raspberries, Granola, Flax Seed
2- Whole Wheat Bagelfils with 1/2ox Smoked Salmon
3- Fiber One Honey Clusters, Skim Milk, Flax Seed

Lunches:
1- Tuna on Whole Wheat Pita or in a Tomato
2- Boca Burger, Whole Wheat Bun, Light American Cheese, Red Onion
3- Green Salad, with Carrots, Tomatos, Cucumber, and Red Onion with Tuna
4- Cambell’s Healthy Light Soups
5- Mexican Turkey Meatloaf Sandwich on Potato Wheat

Fruit (minimum 1 a day):
Braeburn Apples, Navel Oranges, Rasberries, Grapefruit

Dinner Entrees:
1- Salmon, with Capers, Dijon, Fresh Parsley, Lemon Juice
2- Grilled Italian Dressing Marinated Chicken Breast
3- Mexican Turkey Meatloaf
4- Boca Burger, Whole Wheat, Light American, Red Onion

Lunch & Dinner Veggies (minimum 2 a day):
Broccoli, Baby Bok Choy, Brussel Sprouts, Snap Peas, Green Beans

I will also take my vitamins, probiotics, and omega 3-6-9s. And drink 8 glasses of water a day.

My only lingering question is do I count points or calories — because I know I have to count to be successful. I am leaning towards calories, although I’ve had success with both.

To Have or Have Not?

For the past year or so, Tim and I have been trying to come to terms with whether we want to have children or not.  

There are women who -know- they want to be mothers.  Like my sister-in-law.  She loves children.   If there’s a baby in the room, she’s holding it.  She’s always been open and honest about wanting a family.    I know so many people like her,  my friends, my sister, my cousins.   I’ve never wanted to hold a baby, in fact, I never have.   I cannot fathom a future with children.    I wonder if you have it or you don’t, and I simply don’t? 

When you’ve been married as long as Tim and I have, there are invariably questions.  I think it’s incredibly rude.   If a couple has been together for 15 years (8 married) and has not yet procreated, perhaps there is a reason?   I don’t think it’s anyone’s business?  Why do I have to defend how I feel?

People ask, a lot.  Over the years, I’ve learned to not discuss my reasons.  At first, I tried to explain.   I always get the “you’ll feel different when it’s yours” and “it’s because your parents are divorced.”   There are a lot of snide comments.  I remember my mother-in-law bitching because she doesn’t have grandchildren and my brother telling me to  “act like an aunt” and hold his kid.   I told them both to respect my boundries.   It’s a very personal thing. 

You know my mother wasn’t very good at being a mother (at least to children under the age of 25).  She’s not a bad person, but she just wasn’t cut out for it.  She got married and had kids because that’s what you did 40 years ago.  

Lately, there are babies everywhere – in fact, I have 8 kid-photo Christmas cards to prove it.   My 4 closest girlfriends are well at it.  2 recently had children, 2 are going to pop in early 2009.  2 of the wives to work colleges both struggled with infertility over the past 2 years.  There were a lot of discussions about IUF and IUI.    My brother has two girls.  My sister has a baby girl.  In fact,  she made me (?) the godmother. 

In 2005, instead of feeling pressured to have children, Tim and I decided to table it for a few years.  Those few years have now passed.   However, at my annual last year this subject came up.    I’m going to be 35 in 2010.  My gynecologist said people are having babies later now.  She said to not worry about the statistics.    However,  I know a lot of people that struggle with infertility, hell, I could too? 

I think in my mind I thought, ok, I’ll make this decision at 35.   However at almost 34 I’m not much further along in the process than I was at the age of 30.  I think the only difference is that these days, I have more exposure to children (neices, friends, etc).   I keep looking for the answers, but I seem to be coming up short.   I’ll be walking through the a store and come upon a baby stroller, I make myself take a good hard look at the baby.   I am trying to be more aware, thinking perhaps that will help me make this huge decision.

After my appointment last year, Tim and I have been discussing this on and off.     I asked him a few weeks ago if there was something wrong with me?  Why is it that everyone around me is a mom or about to me a mom or wants to be a mom and I feel like this.   Is that the answer?

This Post From The Summer…

1- Homemade Iced Espressos
2- Summer Fruit Smoothies
3- Weekends in the Sunshine with Family

I love that picture to the left. It’s my husband dancing with my 4-year old niece a few weeks ago at my parents house. The dance party continues too! We recently set up a family “webcam” network via our PS3’s and my living room has become a Friday night dance party with Uncle Tim in NJ and Mary Willow in Florida.

The Update

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated. I know I started a few posts throughout the summer but I never completed them.

It was a very busy summer. We celebrated father’s day, then my father’s birthday, then traveled to my sister’s graduation, then attended her graduation party (a different weekend), BBQ’ed with Tim’s family (twice), traveled to Florida for a family reunion on my mother’s side, traveled to the Cape for a family vacation on my father’s side, attended the annual pig roast of our closest friends, celebrated Tim’s 35th, celebrated Tim’s father’s 65th, celebrated our friend Jacks 45th and then spent 2 weeks in Italy celebrating my mother and stepfathers 25th anniversary. The trip just so happened to fall on our 8th anniversary. 15 years together “as an item” so my father says. There was also a major family illness late August that left us completely rocked. Life is very, very precious.

Since ditching my business partner in March I’ve been inundated with work. More work than I’ve ever had before, in fact it has been my largest grossing year, to date. Sometimes I truly wonder if it is Karma? Nonetheless, it’s work work work all the time. Although from the above, you’d think it was play play play. I signed my biggest contract in August then backed it up with another one on September 4. Truly amazing things. I worked in Florida. I worked in Cape Cod. I work a hell of a lot in Italy. I learned you cannot own your own business and take a true vacation. I am not complaining though. I am lucky. Right now I am very lucky.

My weight is up 3lbs from my last post in June. I confess it was up 12lbs from my lowest then. I started counting points the day I got back from Italy. I am going to lose those 15lbs before 2009.

I have so many deadlines right now, I am trying to cook in advance or in batches. Tonight I am making a mushroom soup and a pear crisp. At least the crisp is from Cooking Light. I am reducing the butter and removing the heavy cream from the soup too.

On Sunday I made 3 soups. Carrot, Leek, Potato; Chicken Stew; and Broccoli Stilton. I had to update the ingredients to make them all healthy(ier) though. In fact, the Chicken Stew called for 12T of butter? What, Butter Stew? There were 60+ reviews and I was the only one commenting with 12T of butter? REALLY?

Shoes, shoes, shoes.

Originally uploaded by tbeighs

Kristi at gritty-sweet posted photos of her shoe collection and challenged her readers to do the same. This was actually a fun project, and I felt the need to warn Tim before he got home to “not be alarmed by all the shoes on his bar.”

I’m not surprised at what I see in this picture. I’ve always been a shoe person. In fact, I recently threw away 13 pairs. Plus, I have 2 pairs I am considering returning. These are not pictured here.

What I learned from this endeavor:

1- When I find a shoe I like, I buy it in every damn color.
2- I really like polka dots. There are 5 pairs with dots.
3- I have a lot of heels, vs flats.
4- I own a lot of black shoes and also a lot of black & white shoes.
5- Singular colors: 1 red (patent, top right), 1 green (espadrille, top left). I did just throw away 2 pairs of red shoes though.