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I spent a few weeks testing Makeup Forevers Foundation in 115, I had a shade match done at Sephora and they gave me a decent sizede sample.  While the coverage (medium to full in my opinion) and color are fine for me, I think my skin is too dry for this foundation.  Also, I wear my makeup for a 10 hour workday, and there was some splotchy fading towards the afternoon.   Attributing this to my skintype, I started using the new Olay ProX on my face and moisturizing a lot more.   Makeup Forever foundation is $40 a bottle, and while I know it lasts awhile, for $40 — I think I should love it, and I don’t.   My search for a foundation continues.

I did some research on moisturizing tints and came up with Kiehl’s  Tinted Moisturizer.   When the woman behind the counter at Bloomingdales asked what color I needed, my friend flippantly responded with “pasty” – the sales lady didn’t even crack a smile, no sense of humor there at all.   I am hoping the Kiehl’s will work for basic, everyday wear, and I can skip my long routine of primer, foundation, and setting powder.  I am going to wear it today for 8+ hours and see.

Weeks ago, in attempt to hide some of the aforementioned pastiness, I went to Sephora and asked for a bronzer.  I will spare you a detailed overview of the time it took the salesgirl and I to find one that worked on me, but the result was Laura Mercier Bronzing Pressed Powder, the color is Dune Bronze.   I’ve used it for a few weeks and love it.   First and foremost, I wanted a bronzer that had a more natural feel and didn’t look too harsh or obvious on my pale skin.  I have not seen a lot of reviews on this product, nor does it seem to be popular, but that doesn’t matter – it works for me.  

The last face product to join the arsenal in 2011 was theBalm’s Mary Lou Manizer Luminizer.  The description says “highligher, shimmer, eyeshadow.”  It adds the perfect amount of shine to my cheeks, giving me a fresh, glowy look.     I have been eyeing up the Guerlain Meteorites Powder.  It is truly lovely, and more stubtle than the Manizer, but it’s also $57.  I’ve left it on my wish list, and maybe I’ll buy it next time I get a Sephora gift card.  Or maybe not, as I am an eyeshadow addict.

And I feel like, monthly, I am traveling along this consuming journey (period arrives, waiting to ovulate, having sex, waiting for a positive pregnancy test — wash, rinse, repeat) and it does affect many aspects of my day, every single day.  How can it not?   And I feel very alone,  as there simply isn’t anyone (friends, family) in my real life (besides my husband) who I can talk to about this big thing that is taking place in my life –  daily. 

I don’t know.

It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.   The obsessiveness and all-consuming nature of this trying to conceive process can really become too much.

And honestly, I really wish I knew then what I know now.   It’s not really as simple as casually having sex and ending up pregnant, at least not for me.   They didn’t really teach me all the tricks to procreation in highschool.  They taught me how to prevent pregnancy.

I have had to put major research time in.  I also joined a few bulletin boards.  Hopefully I will find some people to interact with.    

Incidentally, my next post will be a makeup post.  There’s been a lot of new makeup lately.   What can I say

I made an appointment with the RE for May, they responded with mountains of paperwork.    I made appointments with my OB/GYN and hematologist for April.  We got the necessary referrals (for 30 visits, insane) and pre-certifications from our insurance company today.  

I have always bitched about my insurance plan (the high cost co-pays, the even higher cost medications).   Then to add insult to injury, our insurance costs imploded last year (to the tune of $150 more per week).    However, taking lesser coverage with my health issues wasn’t an option and opting into the top-tier plan netted us the infertility rider.   

I spoke with the insurance company today and they pointed me to the paperwork that explains our coverage.  It’s very comprehensive.    I honestly always assumed we would have to borrow money if it came to this.  We don’t have to.   I am speechless.  And done bitching about our medical insurance.

There are a lot of what-ifs, but even the thought of how we will deal with my family during  treatments makes me sick.   We have significant family commitments in June and August, and I am already dreading how we will be able to handle the infertility treatments and my family at the same time.  I want to maintain my privacy with them until the time where I am comfortable sharing.

In the meantime, it would be signifcantly easier if I could get pregnant the old fashioned way.

I feel so violated at my loss of privacy.   I know it wasn’t intentional. 

This is my outlet to sort through my life and some very complicated thoughts.

Please step away and respect that.  Thank you.

They arrived today.   I feel like I waited months for them to show up but in reality it took 7 days  from the West Coast.  I am just impatient. 

I plan to use them a awhile before I review them, however my initial use of the concealer was fantastic.     Bu-bye under eye circles.  Fuck off.

Love the rich blue of the Opi Ski Teal We Drop (base coat) but the Opi Shimmer and Shimmer (top coat) was a bit opaque for a glitter.  It’s so so glittery. Oh well, it’s fun.

I have been eyeing the Urban Decay 15th Anniversary 24/7 Eyeliner Collection for months now. Urban Decay eyeliners get the best of reviews and are regularly $17 a pop. The anniversary set has 15 full-size eyeliners and the well reviewed Urban Decay Grind House Sharpener for $92. So, the cost is around $6.50 an eyeliner. It’s a great deal for someone who doesn’t have any of the 24/7 eyeliners, which oddly I don’t. This is the kind of item I might of purchased for myself pre-budget, however times are a changin’.  My birthday is next week so my mom came to my rescue. Since I set my mom back $100 I figured I’d opt for free shipping, so I won’t see my eyeliners till next week.

I am linking to Temptalia, who reviewed these eyeliners (that is also her photo above). They make me all warm and fuzzy inside. http://www.temptalia.com/urban-decay-15th-anniversary-247-eyeliner-set-review-photos-swatches

A year has passed.

2009, and to some extent 2010 were both tough years for me, health wise, and I spent many many months coming to terms with it.   And while  I turned 35 and my marriage turned 10 and we certainly (over) celebrated those things, Tim, and both our mothers had health scares in 2010.  Everyone is recovered now, but there were some very rocky months.

I am still visiting more doctors than the average person, but like my depression about my health, it has dwindled down.   According to my doctors, my age coupled with my specfic health concerns are the prompt to start trying to conceive now.  We’ve simply run out of time.   I think 2010 was the year of coming to terms with/gearing up for that, as well.  In fact, we should of done so sooner, but if you’ve read this blog, you know we were not ready, and would not take the decision lightly. We probably attempted to conceive 4-5 months last year, but I confess pinpointing the correct days to sex it up was confusing, and to some extent, still is.  I cannot fly if I get pregnant, so some family trips (Christenings, Christmas) affected the timing.

So now, 2011 is the year of strict bill paying and saving and  yes, trying to conceive.    We’ve been instructed,  mainly due to my genetic mutations, to speak to a fertility doctor. My husband’s insurance covers significant infertility costs (in fact, there are multiple people in his office with IVF success) so  we’ve tracked down the doctor, and his name is tucked away.  For now, that  is on the back burner.   If we cannot conceive naturally, we will go that route, soon. 

To those of you that read this blog and are my friend on Facebook, we are not discussing any of this with anyone in our face to face lives.   

I have been trying to decide what to do with this blog.  I am no longer interested in just having a weight loss blog, however I am still interested in weight loss.  I am down 17lbs since summer 2010.  While it has been very slow going,  it’s not maintenance, and it’s not gaining — so I will take it.  And since we are facing a run of months with absolutely no significant holidays or vacations and we have a new, tight budget, I see easier weight loss in my future.

Yesterday a close friends father died instantly from a heart attack.  He was outside shoveling.    I wonder if his wife said all the things she needed to say to him before this happened?  I wonder if he said those things to her?  I wonder if he was the person he wanted to be?

Both my mother and my SIL mentioned how this tragedy demonstrates how vulnerable we are, and how fragile life is.

Am I saying all I need to say?  I don’t think so.

I had fallen into a terrible habit of eating 1ish meals a day, so I am glad to be moving away from that as well.

My friends and I are having a good time coming up with recipes and re-doing some of our older favorties   It helps that we all eat together a few times a week.   One night we made Cuban sandwiches and chopped salads.   Another evening we had jerk turkey mini burgers, skirt steak, & grilled veggies.    The hubands have remarked that they are enjoying the benefits our WW planning is having on them.  One mentioned he’s eaten more veggies this week than he has in months!

So have I man, so have I.