Life has been difficult lately. We’ve been waiting months to hear if Tim’s company is going to extend him a permanent job offer and we’ve both reached our breaking point. The uncertainty is the worst. Either let him go or make him an offer, don’t dangle the job in front of him forever. Don’t make him sign a “we are starting layoffs on November 2 form” but tell him his job is safe. Don’t ask him to train someone from Costa Rica but say his position is safe. I keep reminding myself (and more recently Tim) that life could be so much worse. That we’ve been here before. That it will work out. But when I’m most consumed with it I think “when are we going to have a calm year?” It’s always someones health or Tim’s job and there is never any freaking down time. Down time would be lovely.
For the past few weeks my my sleep schedule and appetite have been nonexistent. I find myself up till 2, 3 4, sometimes 5 am – unable to sleep. I wake up and skip breakfast and lunch. I think it may be stress. We’ve had to put so many financial and personal obligations on hold while we sit here waiting to find out about his job. It’s taking a toll on us. We sit home quiet and withdrawn from each other and everyone else. It’s exhausting.
It’s funny though, because as I go back and read the prior 2 paragraphs I think, “hey, it’s just a job.” And really, it is just a job and I looked on Craig’s list today and saw a handful of great opportunities for Tim. He’s sending his resume out tonight. We’ve come to the conclusion that the only thing he can do is job hunt full force. I think I’m just shellshocked as this is the 3rd layoff he’s experienced in the past 7 years. He’s discussed starting a new career path (teaching or tutoring) and I hope he’ll seriously consider it. It’s just a job. Unemployment will come. They’ll give him a serverance bonus. I’m just sick of the uncertainty. Can you tell I am trying to reason with myself via this blog post?
I finally broke down today and booked our tickets to Florida for Christmas. This was, at the heart of it, my biggest upset (although it by no means tops our 2006 income tax issue). We were waiting to see if Tim kept this job (and would they honor his approved vacation) or if he lost his job (and would a new company allow him the time off) or if it didn’t matter (because he was unemployed anyway). Since February, I have been watching the flight rates climb and climb and I knew the window to buy these tickets at a price we could afford (they were already topping that number) was close. Christmas in Florida is especially important to me as it is the only holiday I can spend with both my birth parents. In 32 years of life I only remember 2 times when I got to celebrate Christmas with both of them. Now they have finally reached the point where they can tolerate each other (I think grandchildren has brought them around) and I missed last year. Plus all my siblings travel to Florida, and my neices and grandmother are there. Tim and I have institiuted an every other year Florida Christmas (as his family lives in NJ) and I figured the job ambiguity would really fuck with it. After much discussion, we decided to book the flights today in the hope that we’ll have job clarity soon instead of booking them in November and spending $500 per ticket. If we have to stay in NJ, we’ll take whatever credit the airline offers us, but I am hoping it doesn’t come to that.
