Taylor & the Brain

I’m feeling rather confident today.    Its obvious that the festivities of August and September knocked me off track a bit, and instead of just stepping right back up I started to fret like a little bitch.   Mainly I kept hearing “you will never lose more weight” and “you will gain it all back.”   Once I realized those types of thoughts are a load of bullshit I decided to return to what worked back in January, ie. taking it one day at time:  ”Today I am going to eat right and journal my food and hop on the treadmill for 3 miles and tomorrow I’ll worry about tomorrow.”   For me, healthy behavior breeds more momentum so now I have more than few strong food days behind me and I’m feeling pretty good.  The bottom line is I want this year to be different.  I want to look back at 2007 and say, “I worked my ass off to lose 40lbs!”   I want to be the exception to the rule.   Plus I am loving how great I feel and all the smaller clothes too.

In terms of exercise I am reminded of a phrase from one of my favorite 90’s cartoons:

“What are we going to do tonight Brain [Taylor]?”
“What we do every night Pinky… try to take over the world [attempt to force myself to f-ing exercise] !”

I would say recently I’ve seen a 50% exercise success rate.    So my goal for this week is to get in four 50-minute workouts — even if I cannot stand it.

Tread Lightly.

We have plans to go to the gym tomorrow — and it’s the first time in weeks.  Recently, I’ve been strictly using our treadmill at home and/or doing exercise tapes.   I have to tell you working out at the gym makes me feel like I’m finding my rhythm again.  I hope.

Funky.

I’m in a bit of a funk lately.   I’m fighting myself on everything.  On the food.  On the exercise.   I have some resentment too, apparently right now I’m pissed that it takes so bloody long to get it all right (meals, exercise blah blah).   And I cannot stand a whiner so I’m annoying myself with that too.  I keep plugging away at it, hoping I’ll eventually find my way back to an easier phase.     I am back to taking it 1 day at a time.   Today was a good day.   Tomorrow I have to workout.   I have an 11 o’clock meeting and then a lunch meeting.   We are having turkey sausage with peppers for dinner.     I’d be really happy if I could get the workout done early.   I’m sure I feel better on the days I exercise so I’m not quite sure why I’m so against it right now.  

The Grind.

When the Golden Girls comes on I know it’s 1am and I’m up too late again.  I really do better overall if I haul myself to bed prior to midnight — and I had been doing so well with that, till last week.  No idea why, either.   In other boring news, I just finished planning this weeks menu and tomorrow (er, later today) I will submit my online grocery order.    It’s too soon to tell but it appears I’m saving money by shopping this way.   Other than my mother-in-laws fondue birthday this Saturday it will be a nice, quiet week — however, I do have to work late Thursday night (dinner at Panera, salad and soup) and on Wednesday we are feeding Tim’s bachelor buddy (I am roasting a turkey breast).   In terms of exercise,  I would like to clock in at least four 50-minute cardio workouts this week and 3 strength training sessions.    So with Thursday  completely out of the question, I will have to workout Tuesday and Wednesday, then Saturday and Sunday.    And Friday, if I am so inclined, but I’m usually not.

I weighed in on Saturday and I dropped another 2.3lbs this month and therefore reached the 30lbs lost (in 2007 mark).  Interesting to note I lost the weight in the first half of the month and then spent the second half struggling to maintain  it through various events.   I have realized that I can navigate any weekend that has 1 meal that defies my diet, but anything more and I completely fall apart.     Social eating and weekends continue to be my biggest obstacles and I’m not entirely sure how to deal with them.  I never have been, honestly.     Throughout my dieting “career” I seem to return to this same problem.    Or maybe I’ll feel better (and more confident) after a few weeks of normalcy?  I hope so.

Celebrate.

I just got off the treadmill after 2 quick miles.   It was like pulling teeth, again.  I have been beating myself up this week too.  I’m not exercising enough lately.  I skipped working out on Friday too.     I’d really prefer to get in 4-5 hour workouts a week.  I’m not sure what’s going on with me lately.   As I was chugging away on the treadmill I realized that all this negative self talk isn’t helping me.  Instead of complimenting myself for working out, I’m kicking my ass for not working out enough.    This clearly isn’t the way to go about it.

Tomorrow (and tonight ) Tim and I will be celebrating 7 great years of marriage.  And you know what?  On my wedding day in 2000,  I weighed 74lbs more than I do today.    Sure maybe this week hasn’t been the paragon of workouts, but I am pushing myself despite not wanting to workout at all, and I have come so far.  I need to try to remember that.

Initially we had planned to stay home or just get cheese and wine at our favorite Italian in NYC, however yesterday we started to waffle a bit.  I wanted to do something special but right now  money is tight while we wait to hear if Tim is getting a job offer (please god please please).  I mentioned it to my mother and she offered to float a hotel room in Philadelphia as an anniversary gift.  Btw, if you didn’t know, Priceline.com last minute is really the best thing ever as we got the Hilton for $60 plus tax.   This all took place at 1pm today and my only goal was to get my arse on the treadmill before we head out.   I hemmed and hawed (hey we could leave earlier, more time to pack blah blah) and then just did it — and I feel better.

So I’m off to pack.   See ya next week.

No Exercise? No Excuse!

I really have no excuse not to exercise as there are so many options available to me.  We belong to the gym (with a pool, fun aerobic classes, and the grueling cybex arc trainer), and it’s only .25 miles away by foot.  I have a treadmill in my home.   I own 7 great Turbo Jam DvDs.   There is also the option of free Fitness TV On Demand.  Plus, there is a great park (with a fantastic 3 mile walk) close by.   Oh, and I live in a town that’s fun to stroll around in too. 

Yet I certainly can make excuses.    I’ve come to realize that saying “there’s simply no time!” is just a load of bullshit.  We make the time for things that are important to us.  I can certainly find 2-3 hours a night to lounge in front of the TV and my computer.   Yet sometimes it’s like pulling teeth when i t comes to setting aside an hour for my health (ie. exercising).  Today was one of those days.  I started out on the treadmill and simply could not stand to do more than a quick mile.   I gave up and moved to Turbo Jam (but had to leave to pick up a friend who’s car was in the shop).  I got home and procrastinated for another 1.5 hours before I hopped on the treadmill for another quick mile.   And in between all this exercising, I bitched to my friends on Instant Messenger.   You’d think I  was going in for a root canal, seriously.

I am trying to plan tomorrow now, and I’m already fighting excuses.  I have to work 9am to 9pm (with no lunch break), and I have to get at least 30 minutes of exercise in.   My options are pretty much early morning (good lord) or when I get home at 10pm (exahusting really).   So I am declaring my intention is to get up at 7am and do Turbo Jam before work.  God help me.

I <3 Mondays

Late August into September is chock full o’events and although I’m greatful to have so many wonderful things to celebrate I find myself continually returning to Monday with a huge sigh of relief.    

We went from Tim’s birthday to the Labor day long weekend to our upcoming anniversary to Tim’s mother’s 65th birthday (planned at a fondue restaurant).   Those are the cannot-miss-things.  We also have a 30th birthday, a housewarming party, and a friend’s BBQ that was etched into my calendar in May.    It’s an old friendship too, and one we have not kept up on, so it’s important as well.   There was also talk of traveling to Maryland to spend a weekend with friends however I think I just realized I have to 86 this one lest I go crazy without some down time.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t bemoan the full schedule.  I just struggle to navigate it intake wise.   Lately it feels like I’m traveling from week to week losing the weight I gained on the weekend.    Well it feels that way the past few weeks.    I can hold it all together when there is 1 big meal a week, but throw an extra fancy night or too, and I fall apart.   How do I do better?   I keep thinking I just need to make it to October, life does seem to slow down in October.

And I have goals for 2007.  I want to lose another 10lbs and I have 4 months left to do it.  10 more pounds would put me firmly in the 140’s and bring my total weight lost in 2007 to 40lbs.   I would then need to use 2008 to decide what a comfortable goal weight is for me.   I’m leaning towards 130-135lbs.   So 2008 would be about the last 12-17 pounds.

The only way for me to stay on track is to plan in advance, so I am going to use today to work out this weeks food menu and exercise schedule and I’ll be back later to report it all out.

Edited to add:  Ok exercise is planned out, and my goal is to get in 30 minutes of activity every single day next week.   More movement is fine, less is not.  It took me a few hours to organize this weeks meal plan, but my intention is to continue eliminating all processed carbs from my evening meal.   Pretty spiffy too, my grocery store just started a delivery service so I ordered everything online and it will arrive Wednesday AM.