All Sorts of Stuff

There are so many things I feel like yapping about it’s just easier to do it in list form:

• A la Hussman, I have been working on creating consistent calorie deficits.  Interestingly enough, the calculated numbers are actually higher than my true weight loss.   It appears that water weight and salt retention are very real issues here.  Oddly none of this is bothering me (yet).  I feel good about treating my body right.  I feel health(ier) and fit(ter) than I have in years.    I am pleased with the changes I’ve seen in my body.  I am fitting into old clothes.  I am getting compliments.  I see a new shape taking place too.  Adios flab!
• Having said that, I may have hit a weight loss plateau. I’ll know more next week. In response I’ve decided to mix my routine up with cardio kickboxing tonight. Intially it said “for the advanced exerciser” but I watched the class for a good 20+ minutes last week, and I think I can do it.
• This is the first time in my adult life that I’ve been OK with the actual time it takes to lose weight healthfully and properly. What a relief.
• In terms of weight loss, my best run ever was back in the early 2000’s,  I lost 20lbs in a 5 month period (on Weight Watchers).  That makes the 5 month mark (June 9) rather significant for me. 
• Speaking of running, I finally ran a mile straight on Tuesday.  This may not be a big deal to you, but it was huge to me.   It also demonstrated that my running shoes must be tossed.    I have the blisters to prove it.
• Did you know you can customize your own Nike’s now?  Go ahead, try NIKEiD.  
• My husband is really working his program. In fact, he’s down 26lbs in 3.5 months.  I am happy he’s taking his health seriously and thrilled to see how much better he feels about himself.   The bastard is losing it much faster than I am though
• Since I’ve removed processed carbs from my diet, I am still struggling to eat enough. Unless we eat out, then I’m fine.
• It’s time to add strength training to my plan, aieee. I am thinking I’ll start with inner thigh and arm machines. I know you cannot spot reduce, but those are two areas that aren’t particularly attractive on me.
• I don’t know how we’d make it through a single day without Trader Joe’s. Between the organic fruits and veggies and fresh flash frozen fish to the the whole wheat pizza dough (I CAN HAVE PIZZA AGAIN!). Not to mention, the “greens with envy”, the chili lime chicken burgers, the roasted corn, and the turkey meatballs – the list goes on and on.
• Oh and I love this page of happy calculators:  http://www.thedietdiary.com/diet/nutrition/RestingEnergy.html  Thank you Lucia!

Quality is Quantity?

I am continually amazed at how much quantity I can eat, if I eat right.  For example, today.

Breakfast:  Lower sugar, maple oatmeal made with 2/3 cup of skim milk,  cinnamon, 1T slivered almonds, 1 small banana, 8oz of orange juice, and 1 generous cup of coffee with 1.5T half and half and 2 lumps sugar.

Lunch:  100% Whole Wheat/High Fiber Pita with lettuce, red onion,  .5T light mayo and .5T mustard and 2 servings turkey.  Plus, 2 servings mushroom barley soup and 1.5 cups cantaloupe.

Dinner:  Huge salad with lettuce, tomato, carrots, yellow bell pepper, red onion, cucumber, 3oz canned tuna, .5oz blue cheese,  and 20 grams kalamata olives with 3T fat free balsamic vinaigrette and .5T olive or flax oil. 

Dessert:  Caramel Truffle Tea and 1 small piece of dark chocolate.

I tend to measure everything on my food scale and log it into sparkpeople.  The grand total for all this food:  1270 calories.   Too low, actually.  I’m going to have to add more tuna and some strawberries with dinner.

When It Rains, It Pours

I almost missed filing my taxes today.  Due to the rain storm that hit the Northeast United States, we were evacuated from our apartment on Sunday.  The water flooded above (and destroyed) the heating, cable, and hot water units.  As a result, the fire department was forced to turn off the natural gas and the electricity.   We had to pack up the kitties and most of our valuables and trek up and down 6 flights of dark stairs out into the pouring rain, and back again.  We took all the expensive protein from our freezer and handed it off to my in-laws but I’m fairly certain the bulk of what’s left at home is spoiled.   I just realized today that I lost a bunch of dairy (1/2 and 1/2, yogurt, cheese, milk), deli turkey, and the makings for one kickass pizza.   We ended up crashing at an Embassy Suites (the 2 cats, me, the hubby, and a friend who lives in my building).   At least, my cousin works for the hotel chain and was able to get us a family rate.   By the time we arrived, we were all soaking, exausted and frazzled.   Both cats spent the night hiding under the bed.

It’s funny because what bothers me the most is how far I was thrown out of my normal routine.    I forgot to pack my gym shoes (or socks).   I drank no water yesterday.   I took half the vitamins I was supposed to.    I found it harder to eat healthy when I was just mentally and emotionally exhausted.   Cause no matter what you just cannot dissect and journal restaurant food correctly.    Oh and, I drank more wine than I normally do. 

As of now the electricity is back on but we have no heat (but I was just told the hot water was fixed).   This morning, I carried 20lbs worth of angry kitties up 6 flights of stairs,  let me tell ya, I was huffing and puffing.   We were just in the process of finalizing our renter’s insurance so I’m not sure that can help us.   If it’s set, they may replace the groceries.  The apartment management company will not reimburse me for the hotel stay.  They informed me this was a town problem and to write the mayor.  Fantastic.     

Yet in hindsight, what happened to me is so insignificant compared to what happened at Virginia Tech yesterday that I’m gonna STFU.

Cross Country Trip

Starting May 13, my sister-in-law and I are going to walk across country, virtually that is.    We have 8 weeks to complete the goal and even get a free pedometer out of the deal.     The program is  sponsored by the National Woman’s Health Information Center and I think it’s a fun idea.    In addition to my current 240 minutes of exercise a week, my new goal is going to be to use the stairs (at the office and at home) throughout the challenge.    More information can be found here:   http://www.womenshealth.gov/woman/  

Ow, My Calves

I up’ed my exercise significantly last week and the result was a significant increase in hunger.   My goal for this week is to figure out how to manage that hunger better.   I tried to drink more water, and it only helped minimally.     My first thought was to up my protein, but whatever else I eat has to be low fat and low carb.   I guess I could try eating turkey or chicken.  Hrm.  I’m not really sure. 

Tomorrow night I am taking my first step class at the Y.   I realized today I have not taken a step class since 1992.  I remember my calves hurting, but that’s it.  I cannot wait.    Speaking of legs, as a result of the Cybex Arc Trainer, my left calf has been throbbing all week.   Ow.

Tomorrow I begin the 4th month on my current plan.   March was a good month.   I lost 4lbs.  I made exercise a priority.  I drank a pool full of water.  And I navigated two crazy weekends in NYC without feeling guilty or deprived.

Comfortable is Perfect.

My diet today isn’t perfect.   I still enjoy the occasional martini and the occasional (read: daily) piece of chocolate.  But it’s better.  I’m thinking before I eat.  I’m making intelligent choices.  I’m taking care of myself by eating properly.  I’m more concerned about health and nutrition, over weight loss.   I no longer want to gorge, nor do I want to starve myself.  I’m exercising.   The funny thing is, there are still fleeting moments of insecurity.   Perhaps we never truly lose those?   I worry that this is just a phase.  I worry that I’ll wake up one day no longer giving a shit.    My rational mind tells me I’ve evolved to this after a period of 12 difficult years, but sometimes I forget to believe it.

It occurred to me recently that I don’t use food for comfort, at least not anymore.   This may not be a huge deal to you, but it certainly is to me.   Incidentally, I also don’t consume calories when I’m bored, nor would I qualify as a snacker.   If I had to define myself, I’d say I still fall victim to social eating (and drinking for that matter).   In the past, I figured there had to be some sort of emotional baggage tied into the whole thing… I mean come on, it’s not like I was ever slim.   I chalked it up to divorced parents, new families, moving far away, attending 3 different high schools, the usual — and perhaps back then, some of it was .  However, I realized “the why” is entrenched in something much more obvious:  I just didn’t know and if I did, I simply didn’t care.  By the time I emerged into the general malaise of teen hood, my eating habits where firmly entrenched in:  Eat what you want without thought.  I did not grow up learning proper nutrition, and in fact, it was only from a 2003 stint in Weight Watcher’s that I learned I should be consuming 5 fruits and veggies a day (how did I miss filing that one away).  

Fast-forward a few years to now, and my mindset is very straight foreword, no bullshit.  I have the tools now.   I place no blame.   Today I care a whole lot about me, and my future, and living a long damn time.  I no longer feel deprived.  I no longer feel bad for myself.  I went through years of dieting like that.  How gut wrenching and stressful it was.

I’ve been writing posts in my head for the past week or so… only to never end up typing them.  I think because I’m not yet 100% sure of what I am trying to say (eloquent, no)?   I think I have been able to sum it up though:  I am finally comfortable enough with myself to finally care about myself.  Or is it I finally care enough about myself to be comfortable with myself?   In fact, to be completely honest it wasn’t until my late 20’s that I actually began to like who I was, plus size or not.   At some point then, I decided to leave all the baggage in the past, and be simply be ok with me.  Corny, no?  But true.    The crazy thing is, at that point all you can do is start molding your future how you want it.  It was then that I started slowly educating myself about food and exercise.   It’s a long ongoing road, but the direction is positive.  I think I was afraid to post this and sound smug -  because I don’t feel smug, I feel relieved.    Never before was I ok with the big picture.  I wanted to lose weight NOW and I thought it should be easy and I didn’t understand why I couldn’t eat more and why do other people get to be slim without the work and frankly sometimes it was annoying and the guilt was overwhelming.    I also finally realized there is no perfect.   But there is comfortable in your own skin.  There is caring about your self.   And they are definately related.